Showing posts with label random brain droppings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random brain droppings. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
He likes me! Dave really likes me!
It's been a rough week for David Letterman. Oh yeah, he had that little kerfuffle with Alaska's Governess, but the media missed his biggest blunder ... he thinks I'm funny.
Well, maybe not Dave himself, but somebody on his staff -- probably an unpaid intern, or a junior associate assistant writer or maybe Alan Kalter. You see, the Late Show runs a weekly Top 10 contest in which it throws out a topic and lets its viewers suggest possible jokes for inclusion in a web-only Top 10. I've been doing this off and on for a couple years, sending in my lead balloons and imagining them falling flat in NYC.
But this week, the magic happened. I finally got noticed.
From the Top Ten Complaints of Jon and Kate's Kids
6. Cameras make potty training a bit awkward
Number 6! Not bad! Number 6 is one of the key mid-list jokes -- it has to have enough jazz to regain the attention of viewers who thought, "Hey, this might be kind of funny," but have grown bored after the first few jokes. And it has to be sharp enough to convince viewers they should stick with the bit the rest of the way.
Now that I've been discovered, I can only imagine the bounty that awaits -- book deals, standup gigs, my own HBO show? Or perhaps I'll just settle for a Late Show mousepad. Either way, it's good to be discovered.
Well, maybe not Dave himself, but somebody on his staff -- probably an unpaid intern, or a junior associate assistant writer or maybe Alan Kalter. You see, the Late Show runs a weekly Top 10 contest in which it throws out a topic and lets its viewers suggest possible jokes for inclusion in a web-only Top 10. I've been doing this off and on for a couple years, sending in my lead balloons and imagining them falling flat in NYC.
But this week, the magic happened. I finally got noticed.
From the Top Ten Complaints of Jon and Kate's Kids
6. Cameras make potty training a bit awkward
Number 6! Not bad! Number 6 is one of the key mid-list jokes -- it has to have enough jazz to regain the attention of viewers who thought, "Hey, this might be kind of funny," but have grown bored after the first few jokes. And it has to be sharp enough to convince viewers they should stick with the bit the rest of the way.
Now that I've been discovered, I can only imagine the bounty that awaits -- book deals, standup gigs, my own HBO show? Or perhaps I'll just settle for a Late Show mousepad. Either way, it's good to be discovered.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I wasn't kidding
Snow in the Vegas valley. This is the view from Kris' office window. Not the best quality image, but it was taken by a Blackberry so what do you want?
Anyway, I completed a triathlon, it snowed here in Vegas ... what's next, the Vikings winning the NFC North?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
100 and sultry
As Mama from "Throw Mama From The Train" famously said, "It's too damn sultry out here!" It's been going through my mind all week, especially today when we had a high of 100 degrees ... on September Freakin' 27th!
Throw in some undesert-like humidity -- 22 percent right now, had to be higher earlier today -- and it's about as uncomfortable as I've been all summer. And it's fall!
The girls had back-to-back soccer games spanning the noon hour today, so I was camped out in the sun and humidity from about 11:00 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. And naturally, both teams drew the sideline facing the sun, so it was beating down on my face that whole time. I had grand plans to get to the club and pound out some cardio later in the afternoon, but once I got back to the car, I swore I wouldn't set foot outside the house the rest of the day.
Fortunately there was some decent college football on the tube, and we got to see the White Sox gag away another game and give the Twins yet another reprieve before we settled in to watch a couple episodes of the great HBO miniseries "John Adams" on our DVR. We've got one episode to go -- can't wait to see how it turns out! I hope he doesn't die in the end.
Throw in some undesert-like humidity -- 22 percent right now, had to be higher earlier today -- and it's about as uncomfortable as I've been all summer. And it's fall!
The girls had back-to-back soccer games spanning the noon hour today, so I was camped out in the sun and humidity from about 11:00 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. And naturally, both teams drew the sideline facing the sun, so it was beating down on my face that whole time. I had grand plans to get to the club and pound out some cardio later in the afternoon, but once I got back to the car, I swore I wouldn't set foot outside the house the rest of the day.
Fortunately there was some decent college football on the tube, and we got to see the White Sox gag away another game and give the Twins yet another reprieve before we settled in to watch a couple episodes of the great HBO miniseries "John Adams" on our DVR. We've got one episode to go -- can't wait to see how it turns out! I hope he doesn't die in the end.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Monday musings
No theme to today's post ... just random observations from a weekend in the desert.
Pink-Eye Sucks. I'm at home with Nora today, because she woke up with one eye nearly swollen shut and the other eye starting to get gunked up too. The doctor's office can't see her until 4 p.m. but I made the executive decision to keep her home and not jeopardize the rest of her classmates.
But this really throws off the old workout plan. I was supposed to get beaten down by Valerie at 9 a.m., but that's off the table now. And since Kris is leading a bible study group at church tonight, she won't be home until 9-ish, making a visit to the club seem rather unlikely today. All I can do is eat right, get some sleep, and do some crunches, pushups and the like. Oh, maybe I'll swim some laps too -- in our pool, one lap is about 10 meters, so if I go back and forth 15 times, it's almost like a workout.
Old Man Yells at Cloud. Sherman Fredrick is the publisher of the Las Vegas Review-Journal. He's a reliable water-carrier for right-wing politicians and causes, but even for Sherm, yesterday's op-ed piece was beyond the pale.
He slimes the Obama campaign by saying that its emphasis on the importance of technology is "asinine" and that Obama likes to "poke fun at a hero's war injuries." Because, you know, McCain was a POW, and the physical damage he suffered while in the hands of his captors now prevents him from using a computer.
It's a typically dishonest political screed from Frederick -- we're supposed to accept that McCain's not physically capable of using a computer, but he's healthy enough to run the country, so don't you worry about his neophyte VP choice ever having to assume the Presidency. Note that McCain has never used his war injuries as an excuse for his technophobia -- he never says, "Gee, I wish I could e-mail more, but I can't sit at a computer for any length of time." Nor has he, apparently, explored voice recognition technology or other methods to overcome his very real and very permanent injuries.
Of course, that's not really the point of Sherm's smarmy rant -- he just wants to throw a little blood in the water before he gets to his main point, that just because technology has passed you by, that doesn't mean the world has done the same. And that's true ... to a point. Nobody is suggesting that people who don't use e-mail or cell phones or the Google are worthless to society. And yes, it's often helpful to "get off the grid" for a time, to shut off the BlackBerry and take time to smell the roses.
But at the same time, the leader of the world's only remaining superpower needs to be at least conversant in the basics of 21st-century technology. He (or she) cannot be defiantly proud of his (or her) technological ignorance. It really does matter. And we can't afford to spend four or eight more years with a President who will surround himself with people who will tend to those minor little details while he focuses on the big picture.
Meanwhile, Sherm, I hope those kids get off your lawn.
Rebel Nation. Heady times for the UNLV football program, which stands at 3-1 after a thrilling 34-31 overtime victory against Iowa State on Saturday. The Rebels were coming off an upset win at then-No. 15 Arizona State (over-rated!), and stormed out to a 21-0 halftime lead against the hapless Cyclones. But ISU stormed back in an entertaining second half, eventually tying the game on a 28-yard touchdown pass with 3 seconds to play.
Now, I've been down this road many times before with the Gophers, and in every such game, the Golden Rodents would curl up in the fetal position and let the opponent run away with an easy win. So you can imagine how disorienting it was to see the Rebels catch their breath, then reassert control over the game.
Iowa State opened the OT session with the ball, and three plays later kicked a field goal after an impressive defensive stand by the Rebels. Then, on its first offensive play of OT, UNLV went for the jugular and got it, with quarterback Omar Clayton throwing a beautiful fade to the corner of the end zone, where freshman wide receiver Phillip Payne used every bit of his 6-foot-3 frame to stretch for the ball and haul in the winning touchdown.
Now, with the Rebels 3-1 and my Golden Gophers 4-0, is it any wonder I find myself checking the rear-view mirror frequently, looking for four horsemen on my tail?
30 years and still gut-wrenching. Today's must-read article is from noted journalist Jeff Pearlman (yeah, the guy who exposed John Rocker and recently published a bawdy account of the early-90s Dallas Cowboys) of ESPN.com, who examines the death of Lyman Bostock 30 years ago this week. I think this one will merit an entry of its own, but do yourself a favor and read this article if you are at all interested in baseball, crime, or humanity.
Pink-Eye Sucks. I'm at home with Nora today, because she woke up with one eye nearly swollen shut and the other eye starting to get gunked up too. The doctor's office can't see her until 4 p.m. but I made the executive decision to keep her home and not jeopardize the rest of her classmates.
But this really throws off the old workout plan. I was supposed to get beaten down by Valerie at 9 a.m., but that's off the table now. And since Kris is leading a bible study group at church tonight, she won't be home until 9-ish, making a visit to the club seem rather unlikely today. All I can do is eat right, get some sleep, and do some crunches, pushups and the like. Oh, maybe I'll swim some laps too -- in our pool, one lap is about 10 meters, so if I go back and forth 15 times, it's almost like a workout.
Old Man Yells at Cloud. Sherman Fredrick is the publisher of the Las Vegas Review-Journal. He's a reliable water-carrier for right-wing politicians and causes, but even for Sherm, yesterday's op-ed piece was beyond the pale.
He slimes the Obama campaign by saying that its emphasis on the importance of technology is "asinine" and that Obama likes to "poke fun at a hero's war injuries." Because, you know, McCain was a POW, and the physical damage he suffered while in the hands of his captors now prevents him from using a computer.
It's a typically dishonest political screed from Frederick -- we're supposed to accept that McCain's not physically capable of using a computer, but he's healthy enough to run the country, so don't you worry about his neophyte VP choice ever having to assume the Presidency. Note that McCain has never used his war injuries as an excuse for his technophobia -- he never says, "Gee, I wish I could e-mail more, but I can't sit at a computer for any length of time." Nor has he, apparently, explored voice recognition technology or other methods to overcome his very real and very permanent injuries.
Of course, that's not really the point of Sherm's smarmy rant -- he just wants to throw a little blood in the water before he gets to his main point, that just because technology has passed you by, that doesn't mean the world has done the same. And that's true ... to a point. Nobody is suggesting that people who don't use e-mail or cell phones or the Google are worthless to society. And yes, it's often helpful to "get off the grid" for a time, to shut off the BlackBerry and take time to smell the roses.
But at the same time, the leader of the world's only remaining superpower needs to be at least conversant in the basics of 21st-century technology. He (or she) cannot be defiantly proud of his (or her) technological ignorance. It really does matter. And we can't afford to spend four or eight more years with a President who will surround himself with people who will tend to those minor little details while he focuses on the big picture.
Meanwhile, Sherm, I hope those kids get off your lawn.
Rebel Nation. Heady times for the UNLV football program, which stands at 3-1 after a thrilling 34-31 overtime victory against Iowa State on Saturday. The Rebels were coming off an upset win at then-No. 15 Arizona State (over-rated!), and stormed out to a 21-0 halftime lead against the hapless Cyclones. But ISU stormed back in an entertaining second half, eventually tying the game on a 28-yard touchdown pass with 3 seconds to play.
Now, I've been down this road many times before with the Gophers, and in every such game, the Golden Rodents would curl up in the fetal position and let the opponent run away with an easy win. So you can imagine how disorienting it was to see the Rebels catch their breath, then reassert control over the game.
Iowa State opened the OT session with the ball, and three plays later kicked a field goal after an impressive defensive stand by the Rebels. Then, on its first offensive play of OT, UNLV went for the jugular and got it, with quarterback Omar Clayton throwing a beautiful fade to the corner of the end zone, where freshman wide receiver Phillip Payne used every bit of his 6-foot-3 frame to stretch for the ball and haul in the winning touchdown.
Now, with the Rebels 3-1 and my Golden Gophers 4-0, is it any wonder I find myself checking the rear-view mirror frequently, looking for four horsemen on my tail?
30 years and still gut-wrenching. Today's must-read article is from noted journalist Jeff Pearlman (yeah, the guy who exposed John Rocker and recently published a bawdy account of the early-90s Dallas Cowboys) of ESPN.com, who examines the death of Lyman Bostock 30 years ago this week. I think this one will merit an entry of its own, but do yourself a favor and read this article if you are at all interested in baseball, crime, or humanity.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Our long national nightmare is almost over
The Blue Ribbon project is done. (Sneak preview of my four teams: Mizzou will be really, really good. Kansas will just be really good. Colorado might be good. Iowa State might be mediocre.)
The book project is about 75% complete, and now that I'll be able to give it my undivided attention, instead of my divided attention, it should wrap up in a hurry.
But first, we celebrate -- I'm off to Atlanta for another baseball weekend with the boys. I'm leaving 90s and dry for 90s and humid, but I'll survive.
Stay tuned: What Happens In Henderson will return in a moment (or four days).
The book project is about 75% complete, and now that I'll be able to give it my undivided attention, instead of my divided attention, it should wrap up in a hurry.
But first, we celebrate -- I'm off to Atlanta for another baseball weekend with the boys. I'm leaving 90s and dry for 90s and humid, but I'll survive.
Stay tuned: What Happens In Henderson will return in a moment (or four days).
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Et tu, iPhone?
Editor's note: I'm really swamped with work right now -- two massive projects, the biggest of the year, are both due the first week of June. As a result, the blog will be updated sparingly during the next three weeks. I apologize to my regular reader(s) -- but I offer a money-back guarantee if you're not satisfied.
I don't know why this story fascinated me so -- divers in the Rhone near the city of Arles have recovered a trove of ancient artifacts, including this life-sized bust of an aging Julius Caesar that may date to 46 B.C., roughly two years before the dictator's death.
Aside from the obvious historical significance of this previously sunken treasure, I'm struck by how it serves to humanize this legendary leader. And really, that's literally what Caesar is -- legendary. We have no "proof" of what he did or how he lived, other than historical record, based largely on stories handed down from one generation to the next, and often transcribed by people who lived centuries after he walked the Earth.
But look at the fine points in this sculpture. The wrinkles, the receding hairline, the lines of time etched on all of our faces, recreated in hauntingly vivid detail. This is better than a photograph -- it's a three-dimensional representation that helps us better understand the man himself, a record of Caesar upon which you can lay your hands. Nobody's telling you what Caesar looked like -- you're seeing it, from any angle you wish to take.
Put it this way -- if a similar bust of Jesus were to be unearthed, we might have to declare a week-long holiday to celebrate, and the line of people hoping to see it would stretch from Jerusalem to Iowa City and back.
I guess what really strikes me is that we consider our modern ways to be so superior in every aspect, but especially in the field of communication. Everybody's got a cell phone camera, and everything from grandma's birthday party to baby's first BM is quickly posted to YouTube to share with the world, captured for posterity and dutifully recorded in the annals of online history.
But you can't convince me that any video, picture or podcast can help me understand you better than this image of Caesar. Simplicity trumps modernity, even in 2008.
I don't know why this story fascinated me so -- divers in the Rhone near the city of Arles have recovered a trove of ancient artifacts, including this life-sized bust of an aging Julius Caesar that may date to 46 B.C., roughly two years before the dictator's death.Aside from the obvious historical significance of this previously sunken treasure, I'm struck by how it serves to humanize this legendary leader. And really, that's literally what Caesar is -- legendary. We have no "proof" of what he did or how he lived, other than historical record, based largely on stories handed down from one generation to the next, and often transcribed by people who lived centuries after he walked the Earth.
But look at the fine points in this sculpture. The wrinkles, the receding hairline, the lines of time etched on all of our faces, recreated in hauntingly vivid detail. This is better than a photograph -- it's a three-dimensional representation that helps us better understand the man himself, a record of Caesar upon which you can lay your hands. Nobody's telling you what Caesar looked like -- you're seeing it, from any angle you wish to take.
Put it this way -- if a similar bust of Jesus were to be unearthed, we might have to declare a week-long holiday to celebrate, and the line of people hoping to see it would stretch from Jerusalem to Iowa City and back.
I guess what really strikes me is that we consider our modern ways to be so superior in every aspect, but especially in the field of communication. Everybody's got a cell phone camera, and everything from grandma's birthday party to baby's first BM is quickly posted to YouTube to share with the world, captured for posterity and dutifully recorded in the annals of online history.
But you can't convince me that any video, picture or podcast can help me understand you better than this image of Caesar. Simplicity trumps modernity, even in 2008.
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